Days Like These

29 May

hope

It is days like yesterday that make me want to stay in bed forever, just lifting the covers up above my head and saying goodbye to the world.  Days where I dread picking up my daughter at daycare because I am terrified at the look they give me, knowing that she acted like an out of control 5 year old.  She’s 5, how else is she supposed to act?  Maybe my child is still stuck in her terrible two’s, maybe she is being mistreated at the daycare and I just don’t know about it.  Questioning it won’t help because people lie.  When I picked her up yesterday I already knew something was wrong, watching my 5 year old standing there, with her head ducked down and her tiny hands covering her eyes as she began to weep.  I tried getting the story out of her, but she wouldn’t speak to me because she knew she was in trouble?  Even in my calmest voice she refused to utter a single word to me as to how she behaved.  What happened?  Did you misbehave AGAIN?  Why did you misbehave?  Tell mommy.  None of this worked.  So I looked at the lady watching my daughter and even she looked too ashamed to tell me what happened.   So in her weakest voice she tells me, all this in Spanish by the way, “I’m too embarrassed to tell you, but your daughter was throwing rocks at other kids.”  At this point I looked at my daughter, trying to find a way to get the story out of her, mainly just to make it look like I was trying to parent her right then and there in front of the daycare lady.  I do this almost on a regular basis because I’m scared they will tell me she can no longer attend if it doesn’t look like I’m trying to discipline her in front of them.  So I look at the lady with the most “I’m sorry” look I could give her and proceed to walk my daughter out of the daycare, scolding her on the way to the car.  But how do you punish your child for something that happened several hours earlier?  How do you get them to understand WHY they are being punished?  She is 5 and I still don’t remember what I did at the age of 5 so how I can expect my daughter to truly understand why she is being punished?  At this point it seems repetitive, all I can do is talk to her, scold her, explain why she is being punished and proceed to taking away some of her favorite items.  Although it doesn’t seem to work, I really know of nothing else to do.  And it hurts me because at the same time I am supposed to be the “good” parent I have to play the “bad” parent and I’m afraid it will confuse my child, seeing as to how they have no one else to turn to when she is being punished.   So it is days like these in which I would rather become hermit-like and hide from the world.

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  1. Did You Miss Me? | Dree Speaks Freely - May 30, 2013

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